"We see our customers as invited guests to a party and we are the hosts. It's our job every day to make every important aspect of the customer experience a little better"
Jeff Bezos
CEO of Amazon/Richest Man in the World 2021
River Oaks Elementary School
It's 3:00 in the morning on a Thursday and I'm wide awake. Partly that is the hazard of becoming an older woman. Partly it is because my husband woke me up - scratch that - the dog woke me up when my husband came home from a late night hockey game. Partly it is because I can't help thinking about an observation that I made today about my parent communication. You see, over the years, I have come to be known as a straight shooter. I say it like I see it. For some parents that is a difficult bullet to swallow. Some take it in stride and work with me quite cooperatively. Some come around to my way of thinking. Some, though, have become antagonistic which has ultimately lead to a whole lot more sleepless nights in frustration. That's not why I am (partly) awake tonight! In fact, I have almost the opposite feeling from frustration.
Last year, I got the opportunity to be in a workshop about communication. Imagine that after 30 years of teaching, the first time anyone has offered me an opportunity to learn about communicating with parents was in an online education, pandemic year. The workshop was offered by a teacher and the principal of the online school and they both talked about it with analogies to the customer service model. A former, not popular with teachers, Premier of Ontario (Mike Harris) said many years ago that education needed to follow more of a customer service model and I remember standing on the picket lines surrounded by many people like me who were repulsed by that sentiment. However, I will forever be indebted to Mike Harris and the workshop leaders for what I see as an incredibly positive twist to how my last 5-10 years of teaching will be.
To elaborate, yesterday the kiddos in my class decided to wage a mini war with following rules. This is not really uncommon at this point in the year and is especially less unexpected since these children have never had a complete year of school away from home and they are in the second grade. So, when I decided to very firmly state my case and give them a 5 minute recess break to consider what was going on, there was a fair amount of surprise and sadness in my kiddos. As a result, I needed to communicate with some parents. In the past, I got some push back from parents who disagreed with my methods or felt their child was not to blame... But this year, I have been using my newfound communication strategies. I still wasn't confident though and I spent the early part of the evening waiting with anxiety for the replies. This is where I tell you why I am awake. The parent replies thanked me. They expressed appreciation for the work that I am doing and they offered cooperation if I am to come up against any further mini wars. I am stunned! I am thrilled! I think I finally get it! Bye, bye straight shooter. Some might call that slow learning but I'll take it!
Terrain (Level of Difficulty): 💖💖💖💖💖
Kit List:
- a note beside your desk
- a deep breath
- your heart
- some customer service training
The Map:
I have a self-made poster beside me at my desk for regular review and format instructions made from my take aways from the workshop. I'm not going to share that with you because I think you need to decide what your take aways are and how you will communicate with parents with your new knowledge. Suffice it to say though, you are getting my interpretation of the information that I gleened from the workshop. Credit should be given completely for this information to the workshop presenters but in the interest of their privacy, I am not naming them here.
1. The first thing to consider is that the student you are working with is a parent's most prized possession (not the right word but I'm heading somewhere). They were loved before they even arrived on this planet. They have been the centre of this parent's world ever since. Not only are they prized but they were hand-made (so to speak). That is to say that they carry the same genetic codes and the parent will naturally feel some responsibility for the quality of their prized creation. Think of it like your home. It is the most expensive and a very important possession that you own. Should someone come along and tell you all about your bad decisions, all the things you did wrong and all that is wrong with your home, you would naturally feel a number of unpleasant emotions. Multiply that by a google plex and you are close to connecting with the the relationship and emotion that a parent has for a child. If you have a child, then I am preaching to the choir but remember that those connections happen in other families than just yours. Other families whose methods you don't agree with; whose child rearing philosophy seems completely wrong; whose education, culture, socio-economic status... are foreign to you.
And, that young soul will also be deeply affected by what and how you communicate. So will you!
2. So that's your customer! They are emotionally involved, intimately connected, and they have some goals and dreams for that student of yours. Keeping them in the loop, considering them a partner in the education of their child, and celebrating successes will all go a long way to proactively keeping your customer happy. For that reason, it is important to set-up a foundation for general communication throughout the year. Here are some things you might consider.
a. Send a newsletter out on the first day of school that introduces yourself. Demonstrate enthusiasm for the new school year and talk about some of the exciting activities that are ahead for the year in general terms. Ask the parents to send in supplies for the student (i.e., indoor shoes, pencil crayons...) and give them time to go shopping for them. (Remember some people get paid monthly and shopping may only happen at one time each month.) In your newsletter, provide information to parents about translation options available within your Board. This is an equity issue and one that I think we need to consider more carefully as we learn.
b. Create a template that you will use for your monthly newsletter and calendar. Parents like to be forewarned of upcoming events so they can prepare and a paper or digital copy of the upcoming activities and events helps them track - especially for parents with multiple children throughout the school system. I borrowed this version from a teacher friend of mine. In early days, mine were much too long and wordy. One page double-sided is plenty. My calendar is online for quick access. It is linked to my hub (more about that in a minute). This, again, is not my original creation. Much thanks to the teachers in the Bitmoji For Educator's group on Facebook for all of their generous sharing. You can find many other similar templates there if this one doesn't suit your particular needs.
c. Some teachers think this next suggestion is overkill and I get it because it is extra work. I do a daily/weekly (depends on how much time and effort you want to put in) summary. Our school board uses Google Classroom so I post those there in a Classwork section called, "What Happened At School Today?". I often include photographs (with permission of course) of the children doing their activities, examples of great work, charts that I am using, resources to check for further help, and a quick reminder of upcoming events. Not all of the parents of students in my class keep up with this but those that do really like it and have often expressed their appreciation for knowing what is going on in our classroom. One of my new colleagues prefers a weekly template and she and the parents of her kiddos are happy with the format.
d. All the rage right now are Classroom Aps or Hubs. There are many templates on Bitmoji Craze For Educators for you to use and tailor to whatever works for you and your class. If you are unsure of how to do one, I really like all of the Youtube instruction videos created by Lisa Mazariego. She is creative and fun, explicit and clear. Mine works for me and is borrowed from one such generous creator and sharer on that site.
i. Check out the Parent Homework section. This is a great way to get an idea of how the parent feels about the upcoming year, about the child themselves, and about any issues that you will want to know early in the year.
ii. Also check out the "Handle With Care" message on the bottom of the Parent Homework page. This is new to me and the idea when viral in early August this year. I am happy about how many parents have felt comfortable using that process already this year.
e. This last part is completely optional but I want you to think about how easy your term reports will be if you put a little leg work in monthly. In my first years of teaching, Peter (a great and very patient grade 3 teacher and mentor) showed me a Mini-Report Card. I had never heard of these before. He sent them out at the end of every month to let a parent know how the progress was going. He said that it helped him to focus where his teaching efforts needed to be, contact a parent of a student who is struggling early and employ strategies to help, and it was really easy to write report cards at the end of the term. I was skeptical but I tried it and 31 years later, I still send out a monthly Min-Report. They have changed formats over the years and I have seen teachers who do simple checklists. I am quite pleased with my latest edit because it focusses on the positive which was even more important this year when the children are (HOPEFULLY!!!!!) going to have a full, relatively normal year in a school building for the first time in their lives. I keep mine short and focus on the big subjects in primary. A couple quick sentences and a next step is all I fill into each box. I also ask the parent for feedback. This ensures that they received it and read it but it also ensures that I know how they are feeling about the process. Do it or don't. It is optional! Me, I'll be doing it until I retire!
You might be asking if there is overlap in the types of communication that I do. There is! Some parents like their information in paper copy. Some prefer just to check the web. Some like general information only. Some like very specific information. It is a lot of work but I get good results from happy customers and that's my goal!
3. The workshop presenters talked about "Sunshine Notes." These can come in any form and can be sent home paper or electronic. There are certificates and template notes that you can use. I keep it simple and just send a quick email home to a parent titled "Sunshine Note" with a little sentence or two about something that their child did that was good. Especially at the beginning of the year, ensure that you send out one or more of these to every student's family. These let a parent know that you like their child, are noticing some great things, and that you are happy they are in your class. Doing this early helps if you have to send a less positive message later on.
4. Never underestimate the power of your voice or face to face encounters. One of the presenters encouraged us to take one night each week and call 4 parents to share a little sunshine, update them on how things are going, ask a question... This gives parents another opportunity to know that you care about them and their child. It is also far more powerful than an email! Doing both is really nice touch! In addition, it is often preferable to talk to a parent when they are angry or it is a more serious manner. This avoids any chance that either one of you will slip into your alter ego - keyboard warrior. In addition, a parent can hear care in your voice that they cannot read in an email.
Every now and then, no matter how hard you try and how many good strategies you employ, you are going to hear from an angry parent. These test your most fundamental customer service skills. It is also a time when you have to work the hardest at maintaining those skills. Here are some steps to follow to help guide you through these difficult situations.
1. Remember that it isn't about you! It sounds like it is because the anger is directed at you. The focus is almost always the child. Remembering that you are both on the same team and that you and they want the best for the child is crucial in these situations.
2. Model the calm! I have this in big capital letters on my little poster! Practicing a quick set of relaxation steps that you will use when this happens to get yourself focussed on the child and parent - not the anger is very important!
3. Apologize! We are all human. We make mistakes like everyone else. If you made one, own up to it. It is scary at first perhaps, but I have gotten incredible responses by just admitting that I made a mistake and talking about how I will make amends. Sometimes, it works to apologize in a different way that also can de-escalate the situation - "I'm really sorry that you are feeling..." The truth is that I am sorry that they are angry or upset and I do want to help.
4. Find something that you both agree about. It can be as simple as, "I completely agree that the situation was very upsetting for you." Sometimes you have to dig deep but it is important to agree in order to halt the accusations and focus on solutions.
5. Sometimes, you need to "Cut it in half. React tomorrow." In some cases, the anger triggers something in you that is bringing out more emotion than you can manage and still provide excellent customer service. I like the sentiment of the sentence and I think a good night's sleep, a little shop talk with a trusted colleague, and a nice meal can go a long way to helping you with your strategies.
6. There are situations where a parent for numerous reasons that we can not predict is having a hard time and is frequent in their negative correspondence. In those cases, I often type a reply or write a note that says that I received their message and "Thanks for letting me know." Not engaging in those kinds of repetitive conversations will often go a long way to turning the situation around.
7. Don't forget that you are supported. You have colleagues with good ideas (leave the name of the parent and student out of the conversation). You have administration who may be able to support you and may get a call or email about the situation too. Being proactive if you think this is going to happen is a good idea. Letting your principal know allows them to prepare.
Hint: Principals often like if you go to them with solutions instead of problems. So I often will start a conversation with a principal by saying, "I don't need anything. For your information... I am employing the following strategies..."
Finally, how you communicate your message to parents is so very important and I have internalized a set of routines that help me when I am emailing, on the phone, or in person.
1. Do some background research so you are not blindsided with, "This is the first time that I have ever heard this before." It may be and it may not be. Knowledge in this situation is a very important tool.
2. If you are phoning during the school day, please start your conversations with, "Everything is ok!" to alleviate any fears that something is wrong with their child.
3. Tell the parent something that you like about their child or something that you have been noticing they are doing well first. No matter what the situation, easing the tension by starting there is important.
4. The next section depends on what and how you need to proceed. You can start with a question (i.e., Are you noticing... at home?). Or you can start with, "I do have a small thing I'd like to talk to you about." Avoid using the words "issue," "problem," and "concern." Then tell the parents in objective terms what you are thinking about. Don't guess about how the child felt or put any subjective judgements on it. Just recount the sitatuation.
5. LISTEN! EMPATHIZE! LISTEN SOME MORE!
6. Talk to the parent about your next steps. Yes, you have them because you did your research and you created a plan before you contacted the parent. Keep it positive as much as possible.
7. End by circling back to your first statements about liking the student and/or something they have been doing well.
Note: My emails yesterday followed this pattern and I am still glowing with the results!
Tip #9: Document Everything
There are a million ways to do this and it often relates to your personal, organizational style. My format is a weekly booklet with each child's name and other information that I frequently need. I use this booklet to record all contacts with parents. My record of recording what happens during the day with the children is evolving. I'm sure I will have another blog entry about that when I get a little more cemented.
Tip #10: Is This Really My Job?
Yes, this really is your job. You are in the vocation of teaching another person's child and communicating with them about the progress so that the education can continue in further years. It absolutely is a lot of hard work. It's what you signed up for even if you didn't realize it. And here's the thing... If you communicate well, the rest of your job seems a whole lot easier! Trust me! You'd rather do all this positive and creative work so that you are not spending hours angry, frustrated and not sleeping because you are at odds with a parent. The reason for the communication is always the child! Remember what I said a whole lot earlier... What you say and how you say it will be felt by them too!
Adventure Recipe: Resources
I have purposefully linked all of the resources that I have to share above. I'd love to see templates of things that you are using and hear some feedback. Please feel free to share!
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